


you're my everything in life ( for life )

by electrific



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Secret Santa, Soft Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 09:51:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12385773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrific/pseuds/electrific
Summary: Sehun is a little too beautiful, and Junmyeon aches.





	you're my everything in life ( for life )

Sehun has always been the youngest, and Junmyeon has always been weak.

 

At first, Junmyeon thinks that it’s normal- Sehun likes touching people, likes being touched and babied- even though he’ll swear to snap off limbs if anyone calls him the maknae of their ragtag group.

 

Sehun is selectively clingy, not always open to showing affection, but when the semester gets going, when he’s running on caffeine and four hours of sleep, Junmyeon finds that Sehun is a lot more open to skinship and affection.

 

Minseok and Junmyeon’s dorm room is always open to the rest of their group if anyone is in need of a quick nap in between classes, or a cup of ramen to go. After those first couple months of their friendship, Junmyeon finds that Sehun is a frequent part of his evening routine- the younger steals his way into their room, steals his way into Junmyeon's heart- donning the elder’s fluffy slippers as he buries himself under Junmyeon’s comforter with his homework spread out in front of him.

 

Junmyeon finds he doesn’t really mind.

 

“Hyung, I’m hungry,” Sehun often whines, already slipping into his snow-boots and waiting expectantly. Junmyeon always gives in, and like the good hyung he is, takes Sehun out wherever he fancies- although it’s usually just to the convenience store down the road for samgak kimbap and cheap, flavoured soda.

 

Sehun is a permanent fixture in Junmyeon’s life, and so what if Sehun is needier and clinger with Junmyeon, head resting against his shoulder even though he has to bend uncomfortably, or sprawled all over the elder’s lap during movie nights- college is hard, and Sehun probably misses home.

 

Junmyeon pretends to never notice how soft the pink in Sehun’s cheeks looks when they’re trudging through the winter wind and snow, pretends he doesn’t like the way Sehun’s eyes glitter against the morning sunlight filtering through the room when he wakes up tucked into Junmyeon’s bed, having crashed on his floor the night before. Junmyeon pretends that Sehun is just a friend, has always been a friend, even when Sehun falls asleep on his chest when all nine of them are watching movies on Sunday nights. He pretends the steady weight of the younger boy on top of him doesn’t make him feel safe, secure, and so, _so_ happy.

 

Minseok notices, of course.

 

It’s a Friday night, and instead of going out and getting drunk off his ass like Jongin and Baekhyun and Jongdae and the others are doing, Sehun is passed out on Junmyeon’s comforter, snuggling into his pillow. Junmyeon’s face must be doing something sappy because Minseok laughs softly from across the room, looking up from his phone.

 

“When are you planning on telling him?” Minseok asks, shuffling on his bed.

 

“Tell who, what?” Junmyeon asks, even as his eyes flicker back to Sehun as he twitches a little in his sleep. It reminds Junmyeon of a puppy. Cute.

 

“Sehun. That you’re in love with him.”

 

If Junmyeon was standing, he’s pretty sure he would be on the floor. He splutters. “What do you-”

 

“Don’t even try to deny it, Junmyeon- I’m not blind, even if you are. You should have seen your face just now- you looked like you were ready to sell both your kidneys for that boy.” Minseok says, raising an eyebrow as though daring him to disagree.

 

Junmyeon wrings his hands, distressed. “I mean, if he really needed the money-”

 

“-are you even listening to yourself?”

 

“Minseok- _shit_. I’m a little in love with Oh Sehun.” Junmyeon must have a really Not Good expression on his face because Minseok is springing off his bed in alarm and walking over to where Junmyeon is perched on the edge of his chair.

 

“Calm down. Breathe. It’s just Sehun.”

 

It’s _just_ Sehun. Junmyeon has known Sehun for a year and a half, Sehun shares a room with Kim Jongin a floor above them, Sehun is a sucker for good romantic comedies, Sehun misses his dog so much that he FaceTimes home every week, Sehun flushes whenever Junmyeon tells him he’s cute, Sehun's lisp becomes more prominent when he's sleepy or drunk or both, Sehun is so beautiful sometimes, all of the time, that Junmyeon wonders how he keeps all of it in that lanky body of his. Sehun, he’s a little more than _just,_ there’s nothing _just_ about Sehun.

 

Later, when Sehun wakes up, eyes all soft from sleep and the creases of Junmyeon’s pillow ( _Junmyeon’s pillow!_ ) pressed into his face, Junmyeon gives up and admits that yeah, he might be a lot in love with Sehun.

 

It doesn’t change anything, because Junmyeon is selfless like that- he can keep things to himself. He doesn’t want to ever lose Sehun. Junmyeon keeps things to himself, even when sometimes, he looks at Sehun, who’s sitting so close to him, but _just_ out of reach, even when he looks at Sehun and it hurts to be so close but never get to have him.

 

Junmyeon is selfless, so he tries really, _really_ hard, but it’s difficult. They’ve been friends for a year and a half, so when Sehun’s hair falls into his eyes when he’s doing his homework, Junmyeon can’t stop himself from pushing it away from his face ( _softly)._ When Sehun demands to be taken out for food, Junmyeon lets the younger pull him out of his room, trying to ignore how perfect Sehun’s hand feels wrapped around his own.

 

They stand next to a tteokbokki stall as Sehun hisses from the spicy food on the paper plate he's clutching, nose and ears red from the cold wind. Junmyeon reaches up automatically to tighten his scarf.

 

“Thanks, hyung.” Sehun says, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he smiles. Junmyeon _aches._

 

Christmas draws closer, and Chanyeol decides that they really can’t go another year without doing a secret santa- and of course, Junmyeon draws Sehun’s name from the bag.

 

Junmyeon remembers, a couple of weeks ago, when Sehun had mentioned in passing that his ancient camera had finally given up on him, resulting in Sehun taking a constant stream of I-paid-for-better-quality-than-this pictures from his phone.

 

When Christmas arrives, Junmyeon is nervous, his present packed inconspicuously in standard reindeer wrapping paper and resting at the bottom of the pile. Junmyeon tries not to look at Sehun, who looks a little ethereal with his hair pushed off his face, drowning in a cozy grey sweater which Junmyeon is sure once belonged to him. He seems to be glowing, eyes alive with laughter, glittering under the fairy lights Minseok had strung all over their room.

 

They’re a little drunk by the time they get to the handing out of the presents. Baekhyun is louder than usual, squawking out the names on the various parcels. Chanyeol gets a fluffy scarf, Baekhyun a girl-group album he’s been whining about to Minseok for weeks, and then Sehun’s name is called out and Junmyeon pretends that he isn’t watching really, _really_ carefully.

 

Sehun smiles broadly as Baekhyun passes him his gift, settling back down next to Junmyeon as he begins to unwrap the box. When he pushes away the red tissue paper to look at the packaging, he stiffens up a little next to Junmyeon. Junmyeon wipes his palms on his trousers inconspicuously, because he really hopes Sehun likes the camera- it was a little expensive, and Junmyeon tries to remember if it’s the kind Sehun wanted. Sehun doesn’t open the box, doesn’t look at anyone as he gets up, crosses the room and begins pulling on his shoes.

 

Everyone else is busy with their own gifts, trying to guess their who their santa is. Junmyeon pretends that he’s not panicking, because Sehun’s face is so blank. Sehun doesn't write his feelings on his face, but around Junmyeon, he is open and trusting. Junmyeon watches Sehun shrug on his coat with that same blank, blank expression, draping his scarf around his neck as he finally turns around.

 

“Well? Aren’t you coming?” Sehun asks, nodding his head at Junmyeon. He’s a little confused, and a lot nervous, but Junmyeon sets aside his own gift- a new leather card holder. It's automatic, the way he gets up and follows- slave to Sehun's every whim. He stumbles into his shoes, taking his jacket and scarf off the hook.

 

“Where are you two going?” Minseok calls.

 

“Out. We’ll be back soon, don’t finish all the food.” Sehun says, smiling tightly. He grabs Junmyeon’s wrist and pulls him out of the room.

 

“Where _are_ we going, though?” Junmyeon asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as squeaky as it does to his ears. Sehun shakes his head, pulling him down the stairs and out of the dorm building.

 

They stop under the façade of the building, sheltered from the snow, but it’s still cold enough for Junmyeon to bury his hands deeper into his pockets.

 

“Junmyeon hyung.” Sehun says, and Junmyeon looks away from the pavement and tries to smile.

 

“Sehunnie?” Junmyeon winces at how weak his voice sounds, because Sehun- Sehun’s face bathed in the orange glow of the street lamps, Sehun against the winter night, his cheeks already tinged pink and his eyes bright, Sehun's anything is too much. 

 

“Hyung.” Sehun whispers, and he’s stepping closer so Junmyeon can hear him.

 

“What did you get from your secret santa?” Junmyeon tries desperately, not looking Sehun in the eye- because he doesn’t know what exactly is happening and he’s scared, because what if Sehun knows- _what if Sehun knows?_

 

Sehun smiles at that. “You already know. Why do you pay so much attention to me? I told you once, months ago, about my camera, why did you have to remember? You pay so much attention, all the time, like you mean something else but you never say what it is. Why do you always care so much? Because now I have all these feelings that I don’t know what to do with and you-”

 

“I- _what?_ ” Junmyeon asks, and yeah, his voice really is shaking.

 

“You look so pretty right now, Junmyeonnie hyung.” Sehun croons, and his voice has gone all soft and his eyes are crinkling up again, and Junmyeon _hurts._

 

“You always look pretty, Sehun-ah.” Junmyeon tries, but Sehun is so close (when did he get so close?). Sehun reaches a hand out, and Junmyeon pretends that his eyes close over because Sehun’s skin is cold against his cheek, and not because Sehun touches him so softly, Sehun touches him like how Junmyeon wants to touch Sehun. Like he's  _precious-_ Sehun is so, so precious.

 

“You know, Minseok hyung said something the other day.”

 

Junmyeon freezes, because Minseok wouldn’t. He _wouldn’t._ He wouldn’t ruin Sehun and Junmyeon’s friendship like that, not after he knew how much it meant, not after how selfless Junmyeon had been, even when all he wanted to be was selfish.

 

Sehun is impossibly closer, voice ever softer. “Hyung, do you like me?” Sehun asks, and Junmyeon feels his blood turn to ice.

 

Junmyeon can keep things to himself, he can be selfless and he can keep quiet, but he can’t lie, and he definitely can’t lie to Sehun.

 

So, _slowly,_ so afraid, eyes closed, Junmyeon nods (slowly).

 

Sehun is softer, closer, and his next _hyung_ is breathed against Junmyeon’s lips.

 

Sehun tastes so warm, so soft, pressed up against Junmyeon, his tongue tastes like the blueberry vodka shots Yixing had encouraged him to drown, but below all of that, Junmyeon can taste Sehun, can feel him in his teeth and building up against his chapped lips. Junmyeon can feel Sehun everywhere, Sehun's warmth seems to be spreading everywhere, and he lets out a sound embarrassingly close to a whimper as his hands reach up to cradle the younger’s face. Sehun is here, under his hands, right there, so close, and for once, Junmyeon can reach out, and he can have him. Sehun is all that Junmyeon has ever wanted, and his hands shake when he touches him, because it feels so forbidden, so surreal.

 

When Sehun breaks away, he’s laughing softly, and his eyes are glittering again, and Junmyeon aches.

 

“Hyung, you’re so silly- don’t you know? I’ve been in love with you for as long as I’ve known you. My kind, generous, selfless, caring,  _gorgeous_ Junmyeonnie hyung.” Sehun says, and he’s a little too tall but he’s still breathing against Junmyeon’s lips.

 

Junmyeon shakes a little. “You-”

 

“I love you.”

 

Junmyeon closes his eyes, and for once in his life, he allows himself to be selfish.

 

He reaches up again for Sehun’s face, and his own _I love you, too,_ is breathed against Sehun’s lips.

 

Sehun is all that Junmyeon has ever wanted, all he's ever wanted with his selfless,  _selfish_ heart, and now, he has him, he has Sehun in his arms and in his space and in his lungs, breathing in the younger boy with every shaking gasp.

 

They stand there in the cold, the snow falling softly in the background, and for the first time in a long time, Junmyeon doesn’t hurt. It’s a different kind of warmth, and it’s nice. It feels really, really nice.

  


**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone this was me being very soft. i love exo and i love junmyeon and i love sehun and i love seho and i love ash, this small fic is for my best buddy ash, i hope you like it.
> 
> fun fact, this was written exactly in an hour at 2am so forgive me for any mistakes, i'll come back and fix them. 
> 
> thank you if you read till the end! please support and leave comments and kudos if you liked it!
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/triangularisms)


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